This blog is something of an open diary which brings with it feeling vulnerable. I HATE that feeling. But without putting things out there – where do we end up? I end up in my head and from past experience that is not always the place to be, if you know what I mean. Things get warped and out of control in there. Neurotic Mess!!! :-D
This morning I said something about the food I’ve been buying because it really goes against everything I’ve been talking about being important to me. One of the reasons is that my budget keeps getting a knock down because I’m also trying to keep my daughter fed while she continues to try to find a job and making sure my boys have food for their hunting excursions this fall. With having to divide it up like that it doesn’t leave much for the day to day eating. Well my husband looks at me after I make a comment and says “so where does smoking fit into this new lifestyle”. DOH!!!!!!! I hate it when he pins me down like that. Sure go ahead and throw the obvious contradiction in my face. LOL.
On a positive note I’m down to an average of 5 cigs a day, which is great. But he’s right with everything the specific corporation and the tobacco industry as a whole represents I want nothing to do with them. But he’s also right that I am having a hard time making the decision to REALLY quit. I’ve been trying for the past 1½ years with small successes.
Why on earth is making decisions that in the end make me feel good about life and myself so damn hard?
So what do you do about contradiction you find in life day to day?
Do you see how it bounces all over the place. I admire anyone that can follow…
A short while back, I posted about procrastination. This is a contradiction for me because even though I know I'll feel better if I just do that thing that I'm putting off, I still put it off. Grr! However, I've made a compromise with myself. If I'm going to procrastinate, then I must enjoy whatever it is I'm doing. I will not allow myself to just goof around on Facebook, worrying in the back of my mind about that obligation that I really should be attending to. Instead, I say, "Okay, I'm going to enjoy the heck out of this Saturday and not worry, so that I can devote tomorrow to grading papers."
ReplyDeleteI think there's nothing worse than eating something that you know is bad for you and then feeling bad about it. If you're going to eat something bad for you, at the very least enjoy it. Appreciate it as something that was necessary or pleasurable for that moment, but don't ruin it twice over by doing the "bad" thing and then regretting it. Either it's something you're going to be okay with or it isn't. If it isn't, then you shouldn't do it. If you always regret smoking and you don't enjoy it, then it's time to stop. At that point, it's not just bad for your body; it's bad for your sense of enjoyment in your life.
One of my blog friends (http://rockygrace.blogspot.com) quit smoking and blogged about it (her last update was Oct. 4). She mentions how much money she's saved, and it's pretty impressive.
Just wanted to send you a word of encouragement. Living well is hard. Thinking about living well is harder. Writing about thinking about living well sounds very hard. Can't wait to see what you have to say!
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